Saturday, December 07, 2002

haha this is so fun! last night i spent the night at a friends house and then this morning some other friends came and woke me up and blindfolded me and took me to my surprise birthday party!! hehe it was great fun. well...hm...i guess thats really all i gotta say here. just keeping you (who i am talking to..i do not know) informed!!!

Friday, December 06, 2002

hey all...i just found out that i am (according to an online test--very accurate i'm sure *cough cough*) that i am 37.4% gay....and it said i am bisexual at best...but does that mean i am more leaning towards gay or straight??? god why does society make it so fucking bad to be gay. people are stupid.
well at this one little facility thing that i am going to in topeka i get no internet. thats right. no internet. for 3 months. i will die. no internet. god i live on the internet!!!! i will probably get pretty good phone privleges though. yea yea its gonna suck but maybe i will be dedepressified. i dont know.

Thursday, December 05, 2002

ahhh!!! i am going to cry...some more! in less than a week i am off to topeka to make myself undepressed but guess what??? i get no internet, LIMITED phone use, and LIMITED visits from normal people from the outside world!!! gahhh!!! and yea..i might get better and become a happy little shit but i'll come back and my relationships with my friends will no longer be existent..:-( at least next year i can go to the highschool building and meet new people. this is gonna suck some ass though

Wednesday, December 04, 2002

well. so much to say....to start off with my friends told my sister about my suicidalness and my sister told my mom and my mom told my dad. so my parents are quite worried. they might send me off to this "rehabilitation camp" thingy..in kansas!!! i don't want to go to kansas!!! i would have to miss like 3 or 4 months of school *and not see my friends for that amount of time*!!! I know i'm really depressed and messed up and i know i need help and stuff but i hate both of my shrinks so i'm not gonna talk to them...I really really really wish I could just have a peer to talk through me all this stuff but I don't want to bug anyone with having to listen to me bitch all day. oh well....

Monday, December 02, 2002

oh and the person i emailed to interview *for my english report* has not emailed me back so i have to completely make up half my report. in an hour.
god my life sucks. my mom thinks i'm suddenly on drugs or something. i have no friends. i have one hour on the computer today *including homework* so that means i have one hour to write a four page report. not gonna happen. ahh well. i may as well continue my suicide notes.