Saturday, December 21, 2002

ok. in three years...less than three years, i can be out of this place...i can leave and go wherever i want and do whatever i want to do. i wont have to live in hell....three years isnt really that long when you think about it......but then i dont think. god this all needs to stop right now. i wish i could go back and do my whole life over...even just back to 7th grade...i think about all the things i've done wrong to screw up my life. this isn't what i want.....but in three years that can change

Friday, December 20, 2002

dammit why do i piss everyone off so much? if i weren't me i would hate me...well scratch that i do hate myself....but if i hate myself why can't i just change and make myself lovable? i have no friends to just call up and say "hey you wanna hang out" none. god i suck.

Wednesday, December 18, 2002

this is really bad. so it was saturday or something and i was bored so i decided i should call someone...well i could think of one person-- thats right one person to call who isn't pissed at me or wouldnt be weirded out by me calling them out of the blue. i absolutely love the people who know what a dumbass loser i am and dont treat me like shit *scarleybean, alina, hayley, jenny meg kayla* and i think thats about it. in school i have to pretend i have a great life..mostly so i dont start crying when i see all of my ex-friends completely ignoring me.......dammit. i don't want to kill myself though...i won't...i won't...i can't. no..i don't think i will. because next year there will be new people in a new school and i can start over..sorta.