Saturday, January 04, 2003

hm. this is exciting. my mom feels the need to pry into every corner of my sad sad life. she decided to take my sum 41 cd lyrics to read them to make sure they arent "inappropriate." i guess theres nothing in there that would be considered inappropriate to her...damn i hope not. but its just the idea i think...of her snooping around in my stuff. and another thing!!! today my darling mother would not let me go see my gorgeous scarleybean!!!!! and little herman!!! and her ultracool mom!!! *yes yes scarletts mom is, in fact, the coolest mom EVER* god why cant my mom act like a reasonable human being for once???? its probably because she is an alien from planet zorg...but thats beside the point. dammit this life is pointless. i cant do this. its too much to handle.

Friday, January 03, 2003

so i went to see my shrink today and she says i have to leave next sunday. and she has no clue how long i am going to be gone. i cant be away from everyone for that long...and no internet. god i have to go through this whole thing again...preparing myself for leaving everything. at least i get to see hermie tomorrow! yayness i havent seen the little turd yet! and then of course i can see the pretti scarleybean too! and then i am actually looking forward to going back to school on monday! *haha my nerdiness* but its actually so i can see everyone before i leave!!!!! whats the deal with life anyway? no one knows...i guess thats why most people believe in some sort of god to make their lives meaningful. i wonder who the first person was to say "hey, you know what? i bet theres this great spirit up there somewhere in this perfect about we call that heaven...and i bet he created everything! lets call him god and worship him! and i know!! lets get some people to write stories about him too! this will be a fun project!" haha silliness.

Thursday, January 02, 2003

damn some of these quizzes are so accurate. how do they do it?

Tuesday, December 31, 2002

Which Sesame Street Muppet's Dark Secret Are You?

brought to you by Quizilla">

how true....
i am a frickin dumbass. why do people even talk to me? why do they pretend to enjoy my company? i guess they just feel sorry for me. friends make "jokes" making fun of me...but they arent really jokes. we all know that. every day i have to convince myself NOT to just take all the pills in the medicine cabinet. i mean whats the point? if i live or i die.......nothing will change. nothing will ever change. all i feel from my "friends" is pity. they feel sorry for me. i dont want that..i want friends who like being around me. who are somehow immune to my annoying bitchiness. god its just so so tempting when i'm the only one home. i could end it all now. just like that. but i wont. i hope not. life is so pointless. we are born we live pointless lives then we die. then more people are born etc. i wish the big bang never happened. then there wouldnt be people or anything. it would be empty. no shit anywhere. i wouldnt have to be depressed all the fucking time. i wonder what was there before the big bang. there couldnt have been air...maybe it was just a big black hole. thats was a black hole. then the big bang happened and fucked everything up. why do we even care about taking care of our earth? its gonna die anyway...we're killing it. life would be so much easier if we didnt have feelings...but then it would also be boring.

Monday, December 30, 2002

i am slowly sinking deeper and deeper into an endless pit of misery. ha that was my attempt at being poetic. oh well. why do i have to be such a loser? years. i thought i was going to my friends house..but she said i cant come. thats fun. i guess i will sit and watch movies alone. alone just like i always am. my dad needs to die. i have to do 2 and a half hours of work every day during break before i can leave the house. it is break, i am not going to clean the house every day so i can see my friends. god. and my mom just goes along with it because my dad is a fricking bully. i am a wreck. i need to die.
wow culture shock. i went to see family and it was so different there...yes there was the little towns of like 300 people where everyone knows everyone...but i'm used to that now. up there, everyone cared about me and was interested in what i was doing and enjoyed being around me. its nice to be appreciated. why cant that be the case here? i guess i just blend in with the rest of the losers....invisible. sometimes i wonder what is going through other peoples' minds...not friends or anything...just people who i dont know very well and are labeled...everyone assumes they're lives are fine, normal. i wonder what its like at home for them. most people just overlook me i think. they assume i have the perfect life...i put on an act at school and around friends to make everyone think that. i guess i cant expect someone to care about me if i pretend to have friends and a great life.
ooh funny thing! i was trying to teach my grandma how to play nintendo64 it was the little mario game hehe. she was getting better at it though and now she is determined to get really good at it so the next time i come she can beat me haha i luv my grandma.